Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
...so i touched it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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