i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
