dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
