Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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