im holly from the hills drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
