Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He passed out mid-signature
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
