Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
