I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize