Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
