instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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