So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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