If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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