u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
