I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
