i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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