I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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