I met the friendliest cop last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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