Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dick very happy bro
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
