the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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