he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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