Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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