If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
