i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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