I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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