Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
