My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Found your dick twin last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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