i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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