Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
