Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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