shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
