This girl is more easily done than said...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
