Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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