Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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