i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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