So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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