i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
