i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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