ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
