His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
