Your face is a jimmy john
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
