i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
