But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
