He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
