her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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