I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Randomize
