it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
