can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
