I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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