Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
