Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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