My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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