Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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