Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
