Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
