trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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