Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
