i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
