You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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