I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
