I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Randomize
