I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
