im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
