Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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