glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
