I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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