is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
