just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Everything about him screamed your future.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.