she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize