We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.