No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch