Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor