If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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