I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
