U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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