woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
