I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
