At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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