hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Two words: blizzard sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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