oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Please, let me fuck your mom
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
