She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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