Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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